The boomerang effect

Well it's been a while and a lot has happened in the past few months.

In deciding to stand in my power and find my joy, I made some big decisions and this created the snow ball effect of where I am today. Sitting back at home in NZ feeling proud of myself, but still knowing I have a way to go yet until I'm rebuilt and where I want to be.

I was being bullied at work by my Manager. I had spoken to management regarding this and a meeting was held. This is when things should have improved. However she escalated her behavior. I hung int here for two more weeks, then on that last morning she rung me, was direct and professionally inappropriate. That afternoon after a long meeting with a customer in the Alpines ranges I pulled into a remote pub, ordered two wines and wrote my most epic resignation email ever. And I say ever because between me and my dad who I called several times for worded guidance, the words flowed, and we outlined the behaviors I had been subjected to and I attached the email evidence to back it up. Two hours later I hit send then made my drive home. This was the moment I found my first step to my power.

I felt so alive and released during the drive home that I had let a bully and the challenges life had given me consume me and my light. I may have had my wings broken, but I had claws and these claws were going to pull me out of the dark hole and bring me back to life.

I flew home two days later and spent time with my family. During my time home my old NZ employer called and offered me a job with terms that suited me at this time.

I flew back to Melbourne with my best friend two weeks later and we packed up my life and moved me home. Everyday I was gaining perspective and courage.

This is when the boomerang effect took hold. I went from being bullied, lost, sad and depressed to the 'fighter of injustice'. I went looking for a fight and found them. I saw the electrical repair shop representative get questioned twice while I waited, as to why they were charging for parts on items that were not disclosed or anything to do with he quote provided. By the time the third customer was at the counter, an elderly man, he started arguing why he too was being charged for a part on his fridge that was never quoted for? I stepped in and waving my war flag I pointed out the other customers I had witnessed were questioning the same behavior. I ranted and I raved. I demanded the elderly man be refunded this part and that if I hear of this behavior again I will report them.

A week latter coming through duty free at the airport while moving home the man in front of me questioned why he was not getting the promotional price. They said it was an old sign that had not been taken down. I walked over saw there was no promotional expiry date and launched into a rant at the check out. I acted like a complete dick but in the moment felt I was saving this man from a pricing injustice. He seemed to enjoy my crusade, then told them when I came up for air, that he was going across the walkway to their opposition. I felt let down. I was winning the moral battle and gaining ground and he just gave up! I stewed on it all the way home during the three hour drive with my parents.

The next morning Dad suggested I seek help for my anger. I was confused and betrayed. How is my standing up for the right thing anger, and why the hell should it be addressed? Well I met with my Hypnotherapist friend and we discussed the journey I had been on and the new crusade I was waging. I had come full circle. I had been the down trodden and bullied person who had felt injustice and immense sadness. I had boomeranged back with vengeance. I was spitting venom and I was looking for a fight. I was going to save anyone else from the wrong doings of the world... whether they wanted it or not.

We did some healing work and I left more calm and aware of myself. I wanted to stay in my lane and rebuild myself while acting with compassion and love.

I have learn't so much about myself in the past month. I found my power, I went to the extreme as I pushed through but have come back around and feel balanced and calm. Am I happy yet; and back to my old self? In many ways yes. But in many more no. I truly believe when someone comes through the darkness and starts to rebuild its never the same and nor should it be. I don't want to be the old me. That is a step back. I have been through one hell of a time and I am learning from it. It's all a lesson and those lessons are still reveling themselves to me. The obvious is there, but it what i do with these leanings is what I am still working on.

I am more self protecting of my feelings and self. I no longer go to places or see people who I do not want to. If I feel unbalanced I will focus on me instead of factoring in what others want of me at that time. I am looking inwards to find what I want. What my dreams mean to me and what will make me happy. I always say each New Year is going to be better than the last but the past few years have been met with challenges and rebuilds of who I thought I was and who I become. And I have made peace with that. Because while each year may not be what I envisioned, the challenges they have given me and the growth and strength I had to find have allowed me to search deep for a new, more resilient and understanding me.

I am proud of what I have overcome and I know in journeys such as this, certain people will not be with me at the end of this. But that is ok; because journeys and people change, and the people who understand me, my challenges and versions of myself, are the ones who have been and always will be my team, and I will always be theirs.

So bye for now; me xx