The version of love is

I have heard this version of 'love is' before and this time it finally sunk in.

The version is -

Relationships are not about other people.

Take the focus off what everyone else is doing, being, saying, having, thinking.

Only focus on what you're doing, being, saying, having, thinking.

Just be the best person you can be.

I have personally struggled with this statement and never really got it in the 10 years I've known it.

It came up again early December when every aspect of my life felt overwhelming. I was reviewing the wheel of my life, which is essentially having a pie chart with the number 1 near the center and number 10 at the outer edge of the circle for each segment. Each segment is then labelled as a part of your life, family, relationships, work, health, money, dreams and aspirations. You then draw a circle around each number in each segment representing how you feel about each area. You then join the dots. In an ideal world your life would look like a fully inflated wheel. In my life as it was that day, it was not, instead it was a deflated wheel which looked like it was a tread of cotton blowing in the wind, that has come unstuck in the middle of a garment but was still attached at either end absolutely and definitely not a circle.

And this is how I came back to this 'version of love.'

This statement was about me focusing back on myself. The things that make me happy, the things that I am passionate about, the things that I want to be and do. It was about me stopping my focus on everyone around me, it consumed my time and emotions and this statement was about letting it go.

It was moving the focus on people not doing what they said they would, it was moving the focus on what that person had said to me, it was moving my focus from dragging people along who said they are coming along but not delivering. It was moving the focus back to me and what I was doing, saying, having and thinking.

It is in no way as I had initially thought a get out of free card for disrespectful and bad behavior from those around me, they are still accountable in trying to be the best version of themselves, but the focus was no longer from me onto them.

And in that shift my life is changing. I have had time to consider what my passions are and dabbled in those things and reignited the joy, I had lost while I was focused on everyone else.

It has meant I have little time to resent anyone for not being what I expected and wanted them to be as I am too busy doing everything that makes me happy. In return those around me seem happier with me too. I have more time and energy to invest with them in a non judgmental way. They are hearing about the books I've read, seen he art work I've made, heard about the new people I have met, and they are watching me study and learn new things on this path and they are seeing me happy and challenged.

I won't gloss over the fact however that this excited and busy me is noticing some relationships drift or take on a new form. But I am absolutely ok with this, because when I was consumed with 'they should' I was miserable and I was asking them to be what they are not willing, or ready to be. In some case's I was asking them to change. In me focusing on myself and being consumed with being the best version of me, I am happy, and I am a better person for it.

A beautiful version of this was described to me recently. We are in our own little boat floating along in a current. During our life time people's currents will join our currents and they will sometimes tether to our boat. Some tether briefly and then detach and move back into their current, and they go their own way. Some tether and never leave our current. Other peoples currents will merge with ours and cause turbulence and others will calm our waters. But at no point should we drag another boat, ask another boat to drag us, or settle for a whirlpool, and no current of our own where we have no direction to the determent of ourselves or to others.

So in now understanding the 'version of love' statement and shifting my focus from what everyone else is doing, and looking inwards back to me, I am finding my footing into 2020 and watching me shine in the version who will be more courageous, brave and determined to create the life and relationships that enrich my world.

I truly hope if you are not yet, you have the ability to travel to the current of your life with the direction and happiness you absolutely deserve.

So bye for now; me xx